sitting at work, my mind often starts to wander and wonder about various areas of my project. I began to think about the many offers of assistance I've received over the last few years and how much I appreciate it. This in turn, makes me wonder about AMF has a single person's entity as opposed to a collective with shared responsibilities. I am staunchly devoted to my project as my own, for a variety of reasons. Think of this as just some random musings on the subject...
as a collective, while responsibility becomes a shared burden, I have too often seen people drop the ball, failing the collective as a whole. reasons have included such nonsense as: 'I don't feel I get enough credit' or 'I got an unfair share of the work.' while these under specific circumstances are valid issues, the idea of a collective whole makes these kind of very individual and personal complains very problematic to address. is it selfish to pull from work you feel is unfair if you are the only person who thinks as such?
as an individual, I know that ultimately responsibility is mine. I feel comfortable knowing that choices that are made do fairly represent my thoughts, even when they are at times flawed. this leads into probably the most important part of the process to me as an individual: growth.
AMF started out with very humble aspirations to simply promote music that I loved. as enthusasism and number of participants have grown, so too have ideals of how else things should run, or what behaviour promoters problematic issues. ultimately, I know that as a person with good intentions, my project will remain intent on positivity. however, that being said, I must also acknowledge things outside of my own comfort level and address issues that are at times awkward to deal with. while I myself have grown up feeling very radical with my views on sex, gender, class, philosophy etc; I continue to learn how aspects of any project can enforce certain cultural binaries or types. in my head and in my heart; there is no 'other,' but this doesn't change that to most people there are, and if something of my project can begin to challenge these issues, even to the smallest degree, I will feel happy with the progress at hand.
in returning to the single versus collective point: I feel that the process of personal growth accomplished in my travels and trials has been immensely rewarding, if not at times painful. I feel with the collective idea, there becomes a bar, a standard in which members are supposed to be at, which puts an unfair pressure on each person to evolve or grow at a pace which is by no means set.
I want to return to this subject later...
-Matt
